We need to talk about the pure sass master and conqueror of heartbreak, my best friend – Alice.
Last year, Alice was with a guy who we’ll call Tom (to save him the shame). Tom told Alice he loved her and broke up with her two weeks later… Over the phone. WHAT A CHAP! Alice called me in hysterics, when I answered the phone the first thing I heard was her sobbing ‘Sophie, Tom’s just broken up with me’. She drove straight over there to talk to him, and when I asked her about this recently she said ‘I went to his with my eyebrows half drawn on’ – anyone who knows Alice will agree, that’s how you know shit just got real.
For the next God knows how long, Alice was a shell of the person she is. In my GRAND 20 years of life (we’re still toddlers in terms of life experience, let’s be real) I’ve never seen anyone more heartbroken, and though I know it’s unlikely, I hope I never do again. Alice ended up being super low and sometimes stayed in bed all day, I had to tempt her out of the house with the promise of food – like tempting a mouse out of his hiding hole. Then there was ‘The Texting Phase’ – many a drunk text was received by Tom, and many a sober one too, ‘can’t we just meet up and talk about it?’ etc. During this time, Alice would have gone back to Tom in a heartbeat. It wouldn’t be a lie to say that it’s taken Alice about 7-8 months to get over him, but bloody hell, she’s done it. And she’s done it with sass.
One of the things I love most about Alice is her willingness to hold her hands up and say that she was heartbroken. It isn’t a weakness to let someone into your heart and give them the power to hurt you, it’s a strength, and my god, she has been SO strong. A little while ago she sent him a full on ‘Beyonce Text’ – you know the type I mean, where you essentially make a bold entrance, make a point and make a classy exit, all within the space of a paragraph. Tom ignored this. Silly Tom. As much as she got her chance to say her piece at this point, she still didn’t feel like the bad blood was cleared so didn’t feel at peace about it all.
Let’s fast forward a couple of months, to last week. Alice gets a text from Tom asking to meet up and ‘talk about things’, wanting to clear the air, Alice agreed. Sitting in her car, Tom admitted to Alice that he had treated her badly, said he ‘didn’t know what he had until he’d lost it’ and that he wholeheartedly ‘regrets the way things ended’ – as he should, might I add. But here’s where I begin to burst with pride… Tom kept trying to kiss Alice, and she kept TURNING HIM AWAY. Honestly, I never thought I’d see the day. She said to him ‘you had me and you could have had me again but you chose to walk away’ WOWWWWW, YOU SLAY. Then, he invited her back to his and promised to ‘sleep on the floor’ but Alice, refused and said ‘if you want to speak to me that much, you’ll meet me again in the day time’ which, in credit to the lad, he did.
It would be a lie to say that I was fond of Tom, I’ve slated him to no end after seeing the anguish he put my friend through, but I have a lot of respect for the fact that he could hold his hands up and admit that he’d done wrong. Above all, I’m writing this: A) to celebrate Alice’s strength and sass and B) to show that if any of you are heartbroken right now, you won’t feel like this forever – Alice is the perfect example of that.
Alice’s top tips for getting through a break-up:
♥ Buy yourself new underwear – ‘there’s something satisfying about having new underwear that your ex has never seen’.
♥ ‘Put on some lipstick and pull yourself together’ – Elizabeth Taylor. If you look good, you’ll feel good.
♥ Cry when you need to.
♥ Belt out some tunes – All Cried Out – Blonde ft. Alex Newell is a GREAT one.
♥ Set a motivational quote as your phone background like ‘Some women are lost in the fire, some women are built from it’ – Michelle K.
♥ Nothing beats a hug and a cup of tea.
So let’s hear it for this massive triumph over heartbreak – cheers to you, Alice. God only knows how much I love you, doll.
Stacks of love,