It’s been a while… You should know that right now in my head after typing that, all I can think of is the opening of Britney’s big comeback song ‘Break the Ice’ where she says ‘it’s been a while… I know I shouldn’t have kept you waiting… But I’m here now’ because clearly, you’ve been waiting with baited breath for my monumental return like we all did for Britney’s post 2007 resurgence.
Anyway, it’s been a bloody rough month. In my last post I spoke about how I was bored of recovering a month after my surgery, HAHA – two months on… I’m still recovering. I don’t know why I thought a ‘three month recovery’ would mean a couple of weeks to actually recover from the surgical pain and then another few weeks of feeling tired, GOOD LORD, I was wrong. It’s two months on now and I’m just bloody knackered. I’ve genuinely had some of the worst days of my life since my last blog post, I’ve felt incredibly lost and I’ve really struggled – in a way I never really have before. My second surgery absolutely obliterated me, I have genuinely felt dead… Like the only thing living about me is that my body is FUNCTIONING, but only just. I’ve been ill pretty much with one thing after the other since I was 12 and this particular event has just wiped me out. HOWEVER, THINGS ARE ON THE WAY UP – thank G.
One thing I’ve been relying on quite heavily is my happy playlist ‘NOT TODAY SADNESS’. One day I woke up feeling super shitty, thought to myself ‘not today sadness’ (as if things are really that simple, don’t worry, I know they’re not) so took to my iTunes to compile loads of happy songs and alas, a playlist was born. There have been times where I’ve been crumpled up in bed crying, only for Ryan to put on ‘Jump Around’ – House of Pain and it’s like I’m a new woman, suddenly I’m servin’ ‘your ass like John McEnroe’. Leila always used to say that I’m the real life version of Georgia from Angus, Thongs & Perfect Snogging and sadly, when I tragically quote lyrics like that, I see it.
I’ve been very much in the mindset of ‘why be sad when you can listen to The BeeGees?’ which results in me singing ‘More Than A Woman’ at the top of my voice (aren’t my family lucky?) and ‘what would Bruce Springsteen do?’ – God knows to be honest, for all I know, he might handle sadness terribly. You get the picture! I’ve really been trying to sprinkle more joy back into my life, even in the moments where there isn’t much room for pizzazz, so I’ve been dancing while I’m brushing my teeth and driving around with my music on full blast, as I always do on a GOOD day.
This playlist is a complete battery of different genres of music, I must admit some of them are rather cringe-worthy, 13 year old me would be spitting feathers at my love for trashy pop (I’m looking at you, LMFAO). However, they’re all songs that brighten my mood, no matter how rubbish I’m feeling – sometimes you just need to dance to ‘Sexy and I Know It’, you can’t get hyped from The Lumineers, can you? Some of them are my major ‘go to’s and others are songs I just know will always make me happy. I do warn you that Mr Worldwide is featured… I apologise (I can hear my musician friends’ DESPAIR) but I also don’t care because Pitbull is my guilty pleasure. Listen to that wisdom, ‘This is for everybody going through tough times… Believe me, been there, done that, but every day above ground is a great day, remember that’ oh Pitbull, you modern Messiah, you.
I’m not expecting you to listen to it, only to throw your anti-depressants out of the window and declare ‘MOTHER, THE MUSIC HATH CURED ME’ but I hope it brings a smile to your face, or maybe even makes you want to dance, whether you’re feeling super shitty or just having a naff day.
What would be on your happy playlist?
Stacks of love,