I am absolutely living by this marvellous Banksy quote at the minute – ‘If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit’. It’s almost a month on from my surgery (you can read about it here) and as the pain is VERY gradually getting better, the exhaustion from everything that has happened is really starting to set in.
Every Sunday I say to myself ‘I’m going to go into labs tomorrow’ and every Monday morning I’m unable to get out of bed, due to a combination of pain, painkillers and lack of sleep. It’s been very frustrating because I hate not being able to do anything and I’m going a bit stir crazy. Yesterday I said my famous sentence, that I was planning on going into uni on Monday, and my lovely boyfriend said ‘try not to get your hopes up because you always get disappointed’ – he said this in a kind way, don’t worry, not a ‘lol good luck with that one, love’ way! It really resonated with me because I need to let my body rest, just because I don’t go into university at the minute, doesn’t mean I’m quitting and giving up, it just means I’m resting and letting my body do what it needs to do.
I’m only really managing an hour out of the house at a time right now so I’ve taken many a trip to The Range and Sainsbury’s lately! I’m trying to do this at least every other day, occasionally spicing up the destination with Hobby Craft and Asda (wild), because I want to try and build up my activity… Again, this is going very slowly, but the important thing is I’M STILL GOING… Even if I do have to have a nap afterwards, haha!
I won’t pretend this has been easy for me, I feel like a lot of years of practice have gone into this (having been ill so much) and yet I still find it challenging – I’m not used to doing nothing! At the minute, my daily routine is attempt to wake up from 10am, ending up ACTUALLY waking up at 1pm, then sitting on the sofa watching many re-runs (I’ve watched a lot of Friends) and doing work if I feel up to it. It is DULL. If I try to do anything more though, I fatigue so quickly and start to feel really sick and dizzy – my body really is telling me to rest.
This quote applies massively to my life at the moment, but I can think of lots of other times when I’ve needed this quote too. One of these is with my uni work, in my first term of uni I worked myself like an absolute dog and I really did pay the price for it. Due to my Autism, I’m able to sit down and work for 8 hours straight to completely blitz what I need to do, but I started doing this too much and ended up burning myself out. I now think it’s far better to accept when you’re tired, take a rest (IT’S NOT QUITTING) and go back to your work with a fresh pair of eyes once you feel like you’ve got more energy. My work was probably better because of this! That being said, I know it’s hard when you’re under a lot of stress and you’ve got deadlines looming – it can feel like an apocalyptic time challenge.
I think this quote can be useful for a lot of things. Many people, like myself, don’t consider themselves as ‘quitters’ and in a sense this is a brilliant thing, but it’s these people like me who can struggle to distinguish between RESTING and QUITTING – that’s where it can become a big problem. In this case, we keep throwing ourselves at the wall we’ve hit (be it the wall of tiredness or the wall of writers block or wall of feeling uninspired) and all it really does is frustrate us! If we take time to rest, the wall might gradually come down, or we might be able to take it down brick by brick, and then we can breeeeeze our way through it. All because we took the time to rest.
Take your time and take it easy!
Stacks of love,
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