#MakeupAndASmile

Hello, you!   It’s been a while since my last blog post – my usual opening sentence – I’m not even going to beat around the bush with my usual ‘back again’ performance, I’m just going to dive straight into it. I haven’t been blogging because I’ve felt like utter shit since I got back from Thailand (posts coming soon about that crazy adventure though – I’m sure you’re tempted to return to my blog after that sparkling opening ;)). The truth is, I’ve been more depressed than ever before and I’ve not been in my usual mood for spreading joy – however, I had a eureka moment as I sat drying my hair this morning. It starts like this… I’m really tired of telling people I feel rubbish and hearing things like ‘oh but you don’t look ill’ or ‘but you look great!!!!’ in return  – thanks, I know, I’m a naturally gifted beauty, what can I say?;) I’m just kidding, but I am really tired of hearing these things – I’ve heard them for YEARS, be that with my chronic pain or my mental health. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of people are truly well meaning and… View Post

A Daily Dose of Perspective

Hello, you!   At the minute, I’m really struggling with post-traumatic stress from my surgeries and other things that have happened to me over the past few years. One of the things I’m struggling most with is how agitated I am, if I get even slightly bored, it’s like I’m taken over by ‘the rage’ so I’m trying to keep my mind busy. Normally, while I’m driving I whack on some music and have a good drive, singing along and probably looking like a bit of a tit to other drivers passing by. The other night though, I was too hypersensitive to listen to music (thanks, Asperger’s) so decided to listen to a podcast on the way over to my boyfriend’s house. I feel I must mention that podcasts make me feel very cultured and intellectual, making productive use of my drive time to learn something – check me. 5 points to Sophie. The drive to Ryan’s is pretty short so I clicked on the shortest one I could find and it was a TED Talk by Benjamin Grant called ‘What it Feels Like to See Earth From Space’ – I love stuff like this. I’ve always had this thing… View Post

Bloody Believe in Yourself

Hello, you!   I’ve been recovering from surgery for what feels like a lifetime now… Really, it’s just over a month but it’s gone SO slowly and things have been further complicated by an infection and the heavy painkillers. ANYWAY, because it’s been so slow, I’ve barely been into uni. For loads of people, I imagine this would be like ‘yes, GET IN’ because they hate going to lectures, but I’m a self-confessed nerd and always have been, I love to learn and I love to work. My name is Sophie and I’m a workaholic, etc etc. So for me, missing uni is like a kid not being able to go on the swings (yes, an analogy THAT sad) and I’m really struggling with it.     One of the things that I’ve noticed the most throughout this period of illness is how much of a toll it’s taken on my confidence. Frankly, it’s been obliterated. Anyone who knows me will say I’m a very confident person, so for it to take a knock says A LOT. Lately, I’ve found myself asking ‘am I capable of doing this?’ ‘what if I can’t do it?’ ‘what if I don’t do well?’… View Post

Drive? Drive.

Hello, you!   It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Big, big thank you to every single one of you who have asked when I’m writing my next post, you truly have made my day by doing that and you’re the reason I started typing this. To be honest with ya, I’ve felt pretty, bloody uninspired these past couple of weeks and felt very ‘urgh’ about things and as such, have been on many a ‘clear my head’ drive – which leads me onto the topic of this post, crazy how these things happen, ay?;) I think there’s a lot to be said about the beauty of cars. Not in the ‘get me an Audi R8’ and ‘wow, what a brilliant engine’ kind of way, but in a ‘nothing cheers me up quite like driving around singing at the top of my voice’ type of way. Even when I’m in the best mood, I find it can always be improved by good music and a decent drive. On good days, I can be seen with the windows down (weather permitting, of course), blasting out songs like ‘One More Time’ – Daft Punk and ‘Galway Girl’ – not the Ed Sheeran tune but… View Post

To thirteen year old me…

To thirteen year old me,   You’ve just turned thirteen and you’ve stopped sleeping. Let me tell you, kid, this is the start of a very long road, you’ve got five years of illness ahead of you, so buckle up. You’ll have a sleeping disorder for two years, no sedatives will knock you out and box sets will become your best friend. The night can be a lonely place but you’ll get through it, you’ll be awake to see the sun rise, so trust that at the end of the darkness there is always light. Just as you start sleeping properly again you’re going to get hit by chronic pain. You’ll be in hospital six times within two months and the doctors won’t know what causes it; they work it out eventually, keep going. You’ll be loaded up to your eyes on painkillers and experience treatments so agonising you can’t even comprehend the pain and the pain will still be there, but you’ve got to carry on. While this is going on, you’re going to lose the most monumental man you’ve ever known and the pain of it will break you to the point where you feel like you can’t… View Post