#MakeupAndASmile

Hello, you!   It’s been a while since my last blog post – my usual opening sentence – I’m not even going to beat around the bush with my usual ‘back again’ performance, I’m just going to dive straight into it. I haven’t been blogging because I’ve felt like utter shit since I got back from Thailand (posts coming soon about that crazy adventure though – I’m sure you’re tempted to return to my blog after that sparkling opening ;)). The truth is, I’ve been more depressed than ever before and I’ve not been in my usual mood for spreading joy – however, I had a eureka moment as I sat drying my hair this morning. It starts like this… I’m really tired of telling people I feel rubbish and hearing things like ‘oh but you don’t look ill’ or ‘but you look great!!!!’ in return  – thanks, I know, I’m a naturally gifted beauty, what can I say?;) I’m just kidding, but I am really tired of hearing these things – I’ve heard them for YEARS, be that with my chronic pain or my mental health. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of people are truly well meaning and… View Post

Not Today Sadness: The Ultimate Happy Playlist

Hello, you! It’s been a while… You should know that right now in my head after typing that, all I can think of is the opening of Britney’s big comeback song ‘Break the Ice’ where she says ‘it’s been a while… I know I shouldn’t have kept you waiting… But I’m here now’ because clearly, you’ve been waiting with baited breath for my monumental return like we all did for Britney’s post 2007 resurgence.  Anyway, it’s been a bloody rough month. In my last post I spoke about how I was bored of recovering a month after my surgery, HAHA – two months on… I’m still recovering. I don’t know why I thought a ‘three month recovery’ would mean a couple of weeks to actually recover from the surgical pain and then another few weeks of feeling tired, GOOD LORD, I was wrong. It’s two months on now and I’m just bloody knackered. I’ve genuinely had some of the worst days of my life since my last blog post, I’ve felt incredibly lost and I’ve really struggled – in a way I never really have before. My second surgery absolutely obliterated me, I have genuinely felt dead… Like the only thing living about… View Post

Put Your War Paint On

Hello, you!   Forgive me for any errors in this post, I’m writing it dosed up on codeine and morphine. I’ve been back in hospital this week and I’m now under the care of a consultant for further investigation – it’s all fun and games. Since I got home, I’ve been lolloping around in a painkiller haze, rocking my unicorn jimjams (don’t know whether to be proud or horrified that I own these age 20) and desperately trying to find a new series to get into. Something that has been SO important to me when I’ve been ill (be that mentally or physically) is PUTTING MY WAR PAINT ON. Just to clarify… by this I do not mean army stripes and tribal markings. I mean glorious MAKE UP. If you’re a regular make up wearer, like myself, putting your make up on, even when you’re feeling so shitty it’s almost beyond belief, can really help you to feel more like yourself again. People have sometimes said to me ‘are you seriously putting make up on just to sit in the house????’ but it makes me feel more like it’s a normal day. I’m not saying it’s going to cure you… View Post

Drive? Drive.

Hello, you!   It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Big, big thank you to every single one of you who have asked when I’m writing my next post, you truly have made my day by doing that and you’re the reason I started typing this. To be honest with ya, I’ve felt pretty, bloody uninspired these past couple of weeks and felt very ‘urgh’ about things and as such, have been on many a ‘clear my head’ drive – which leads me onto the topic of this post, crazy how these things happen, ay?;) I think there’s a lot to be said about the beauty of cars. Not in the ‘get me an Audi R8’ and ‘wow, what a brilliant engine’ kind of way, but in a ‘nothing cheers me up quite like driving around singing at the top of my voice’ type of way. Even when I’m in the best mood, I find it can always be improved by good music and a decent drive. On good days, I can be seen with the windows down (weather permitting, of course), blasting out songs like ‘One More Time’ – Daft Punk and ‘Galway Girl’ – not the Ed Sheeran tune but… View Post

To thirteen year old me…

To thirteen year old me,   You’ve just turned thirteen and you’ve stopped sleeping. Let me tell you, kid, this is the start of a very long road, you’ve got five years of illness ahead of you, so buckle up. You’ll have a sleeping disorder for two years, no sedatives will knock you out and box sets will become your best friend. The night can be a lonely place but you’ll get through it, you’ll be awake to see the sun rise, so trust that at the end of the darkness there is always light. Just as you start sleeping properly again you’re going to get hit by chronic pain. You’ll be in hospital six times within two months and the doctors won’t know what causes it; they work it out eventually, keep going. You’ll be loaded up to your eyes on painkillers and experience treatments so agonising you can’t even comprehend the pain and the pain will still be there, but you’ve got to carry on. While this is going on, you’re going to lose the most monumental man you’ve ever known and the pain of it will break you to the point where you feel like you can’t… View Post