Chronic Body Confidence

Hello, you! I hope you’ve been doing well and being your sassy self! I’m finally back, after not posting for AGES. I’ve set myself the goal of blogging at least once a month but we’ll see how that goes!;) Today, I want to talk to you about CHRONIC BODY CONFIDENCE (my term for body confidence with a chronic illness – quippy, I know;)). I know for so many people, feeling body confident can be a struggle. I consider myself lucky because, until recently, I’ve always been a confident person (sometimes, maybe too confident). However, over the past year, my body confidence has absolutely PLUMMETED. I’ve put on a fair bit of weight as a result of having multiple surgeries in the past 18 months or so, and the pain means I haven’t been able to exercise much at all. Also, I don’t know about you but I’ve found I often can’t be bothered to eat healthily when I’m in pain and very much enter a ‘fuck it, have a burger’ mindset. Of course, nothing’s wrong with this when you’re treating yourself but I have been banqueting like Henry VIII a lot of the days. Something I really struggle with is… View Post

#MakeupAndASmile

Hello, you!   It’s been a while since my last blog post – my usual opening sentence – I’m not even going to beat around the bush with my usual ‘back again’ performance, I’m just going to dive straight into it. I haven’t been blogging because I’ve felt like utter shit since I got back from Thailand (posts coming soon about that crazy adventure though – I’m sure you’re tempted to return to my blog after that sparkling opening ;)). The truth is, I’ve been more depressed than ever before and I’ve not been in my usual mood for spreading joy – however, I had a eureka moment as I sat drying my hair this morning. It starts like this… I’m really tired of telling people I feel rubbish and hearing things like ‘oh but you don’t look ill’ or ‘but you look great!!!!’ in return  – thanks, I know, I’m a naturally gifted beauty, what can I say?;) I’m just kidding, but I am really tired of hearing these things – I’ve heard them for YEARS, be that with my chronic pain or my mental health. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of people are truly well meaning and… View Post

Bloody Believe in Yourself

Hello, you!   I’ve been recovering from surgery for what feels like a lifetime now… Really, it’s just over a month but it’s gone SO slowly and things have been further complicated by an infection and the heavy painkillers. ANYWAY, because it’s been so slow, I’ve barely been into uni. For loads of people, I imagine this would be like ‘yes, GET IN’ because they hate going to lectures, but I’m a self-confessed nerd and always have been, I love to learn and I love to work. My name is Sophie and I’m a workaholic, etc etc. So for me, missing uni is like a kid not being able to go on the swings (yes, an analogy THAT sad) and I’m really struggling with it.     One of the things that I’ve noticed the most throughout this period of illness is how much of a toll it’s taken on my confidence. Frankly, it’s been obliterated. Anyone who knows me will say I’m a very confident person, so for it to take a knock says A LOT. Lately, I’ve found myself asking ‘am I capable of doing this?’ ‘what if I can’t do it?’ ‘what if I don’t do well?’… View Post

‘Learn to Rest, Not to Quit’

Hello, you!   I am absolutely living by this marvellous Banksy quote at the minute – ‘If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit’. It’s almost a month on from my surgery (you can read about it here) and as the pain is VERY gradually getting better, the exhaustion from everything that has happened is really starting to set in. Every Sunday I say to myself ‘I’m going to go into labs tomorrow’ and every Monday morning I’m unable to get out of bed, due to a combination of pain, painkillers and lack of sleep. It’s been very frustrating because I hate not being able to do anything and I’m going a bit stir crazy. Yesterday I said my famous sentence, that I was planning on going into uni on Monday, and my lovely boyfriend said ‘try not to get your hopes up because you always get disappointed’ – he said this in a kind way, don’t worry, not a ‘lol good luck with that one, love’ way! It really resonated with me because I need to let my body rest, just because I don’t go into university at the minute, doesn’t mean I’m quitting and giving up,… View Post

Get Well Soon

Hello, you!   Those of you who follow me on Instagram or Twitter may know that I’ve been really unwell again – the pain I experienced in April/May time returned. This time, it clearly couldn’t be my appendix (as originally thought) as they had already removed it earlier this year – you can read about this here.  Over summer, I had twinges of the original pain – it was so distinctive – I assumed, and desperately hoped, that it was just scarring from the operation to remove my appendix. In early September, the pain started becoming more frequent, with a couple of twinges happening per day instead of over a couple of weeks – I went back to the doctor and he said to see how I went, book an appointment for three weeks time and review it then. Little did I know, in the space of those three weeks, I’d have had two more appointments with a new consultant AND a surgery. On the 15th September, my pain became so unbearable that I had to go to A&E, they refused to discharge me given how much morphine I needed so I stayed in for a couple of nights –… View Post