Not Today Sadness: The Ultimate Happy Playlist

Hello, you! It’s been a while… You should know that right now in my head after typing that, all I can think of is the opening of Britney’s big comeback song ‘Break the Ice’ where she says ‘it’s been a while… I know I shouldn’t have kept you waiting… But I’m here now’ because clearly, you’ve been waiting with baited breath for my monumental return like we all did for Britney’s post 2007 resurgence.  Anyway, it’s been a bloody rough month. In my last post I spoke about how I was bored of recovering a month after my surgery, HAHA – two months on… I’m still recovering. I don’t know why I thought a ‘three month recovery’ would mean a couple of weeks to actually recover from the surgical pain and then another few weeks of feeling tired, GOOD LORD, I was wrong. It’s two months on now and I’m just bloody knackered. I’ve genuinely had some of the worst days of my life since my last blog post, I’ve felt incredibly lost and I’ve really struggled – in a way I never really have before. My second surgery absolutely obliterated me, I have genuinely felt dead… Like the only thing living about… View Post

Bloody Believe in Yourself

Hello, you!   I’ve been recovering from surgery for what feels like a lifetime now… Really, it’s just over a month but it’s gone SO slowly and things have been further complicated by an infection and the heavy painkillers. ANYWAY, because it’s been so slow, I’ve barely been into uni. For loads of people, I imagine this would be like ‘yes, GET IN’ because they hate going to lectures, but I’m a self-confessed nerd and always have been, I love to learn and I love to work. My name is Sophie and I’m a workaholic, etc etc. So for me, missing uni is like a kid not being able to go on the swings (yes, an analogy THAT sad) and I’m really struggling with it.     One of the things that I’ve noticed the most throughout this period of illness is how much of a toll it’s taken on my confidence. Frankly, it’s been obliterated. Anyone who knows me will say I’m a very confident person, so for it to take a knock says A LOT. Lately, I’ve found myself asking ‘am I capable of doing this?’ ‘what if I can’t do it?’ ‘what if I don’t do well?’… View Post

Put Your War Paint On

Hello, you!   Forgive me for any errors in this post, I’m writing it dosed up on codeine and morphine. I’ve been back in hospital this week and I’m now under the care of a consultant for further investigation – it’s all fun and games. Since I got home, I’ve been lolloping around in a painkiller haze, rocking my unicorn jimjams (don’t know whether to be proud or horrified that I own these age 20) and desperately trying to find a new series to get into. Something that has been SO important to me when I’ve been ill (be that mentally or physically) is PUTTING MY WAR PAINT ON. Just to clarify… by this I do not mean army stripes and tribal markings. I mean glorious MAKE UP. If you’re a regular make up wearer, like myself, putting your make up on, even when you’re feeling so shitty it’s almost beyond belief, can really help you to feel more like yourself again. People have sometimes said to me ‘are you seriously putting make up on just to sit in the house????’ but it makes me feel more like it’s a normal day. I’m not saying it’s going to cure you… View Post

The Chronic Canceller

Hello, you!   We need to talk about the beauty of people who are understanding when you cancel plans. Having gone through extensive periods of illness in my life, I’ve had to cancel A LOT of plans, sometimes at the last minute. Living with a chronic pain syndrome means there’s no way of knowing how much pain I’m going to be in from one day to the next and in bouts of depression and anxiety, sometimes, you just don’t feel up to attending things you arranged on a good day. There are people that I absolutely DREAD having to cancel plans with, knowing full well that their reaction isn’t going to be a great one. In the past, people have said to me ‘Okay, I’m so done with this now’, ‘Really? You’re ill again?’, and ‘Don’t make plans if you’re not going to keep them’. Every one of those comments has been an absolute slap in the face. I don’t dispute for one minute that having plans cancelled at short notice is incredibly annoying, but imagine how it is for the person who has to cancel AND has to suffer with what’s preventing them from attending. I’ve noticed that people… View Post