Chronic Body Confidence

Hello, you! I hope you’ve been doing well and being your sassy self! I’m finally back, after not posting for AGES. I’ve set myself the goal of blogging at least once a month but we’ll see how that goes!;) Today, I want to talk to you about CHRONIC BODY CONFIDENCE (my term for body confidence with a chronic illness – quippy, I know;)). I know for so many people, feeling body confident can be a struggle. I consider myself lucky because, until recently, I’ve always been a confident person (sometimes, maybe too confident). However, over the past year, my body confidence has absolutely PLUMMETED. I’ve put on a fair bit of weight as a result of having multiple surgeries in the past 18 months or so, and the pain means I haven’t been able to exercise much at all. Also, I don’t know about you but I’ve found I often can’t be bothered to eat healthily when I’m in pain and very much enter a ‘fuck it, have a burger’ mindset. Of course, nothing’s wrong with this when you’re treating yourself but I have been banqueting like Henry VIII a lot of the days. Something I really struggle with is… View Post

A Daily Dose of Perspective

Hello, you!   At the minute, I’m really struggling with post-traumatic stress from my surgeries and other things that have happened to me over the past few years. One of the things I’m struggling most with is how agitated I am, if I get even slightly bored, it’s like I’m taken over by ‘the rage’ so I’m trying to keep my mind busy. Normally, while I’m driving I whack on some music and have a good drive, singing along and probably looking like a bit of a tit to other drivers passing by. The other night though, I was too hypersensitive to listen to music (thanks, Asperger’s) so decided to listen to a podcast on the way over to my boyfriend’s house. I feel I must mention that podcasts make me feel very cultured and intellectual, making productive use of my drive time to learn something – check me. 5 points to Sophie. The drive to Ryan’s is pretty short so I clicked on the shortest one I could find and it was a TED Talk by Benjamin Grant called ‘What it Feels Like to See Earth From Space’ – I love stuff like this. I’ve always had this thing… View Post

Not Today Sadness: The Ultimate Happy Playlist

Hello, you! It’s been a while… You should know that right now in my head after typing that, all I can think of is the opening of Britney’s big comeback song ‘Break the Ice’ where she says ‘it’s been a while… I know I shouldn’t have kept you waiting… But I’m here now’ because clearly, you’ve been waiting with baited breath for my monumental return like we all did for Britney’s post 2007 resurgence.  Anyway, it’s been a bloody rough month. In my last post I spoke about how I was bored of recovering a month after my surgery, HAHA – two months on… I’m still recovering. I don’t know why I thought a ‘three month recovery’ would mean a couple of weeks to actually recover from the surgical pain and then another few weeks of feeling tired, GOOD LORD, I was wrong. It’s two months on now and I’m just bloody knackered. I’ve genuinely had some of the worst days of my life since my last blog post, I’ve felt incredibly lost and I’ve really struggled – in a way I never really have before. My second surgery absolutely obliterated me, I have genuinely felt dead… Like the only thing living about… View Post

Bloody Believe in Yourself

Hello, you!   I’ve been recovering from surgery for what feels like a lifetime now… Really, it’s just over a month but it’s gone SO slowly and things have been further complicated by an infection and the heavy painkillers. ANYWAY, because it’s been so slow, I’ve barely been into uni. For loads of people, I imagine this would be like ‘yes, GET IN’ because they hate going to lectures, but I’m a self-confessed nerd and always have been, I love to learn and I love to work. My name is Sophie and I’m a workaholic, etc etc. So for me, missing uni is like a kid not being able to go on the swings (yes, an analogy THAT sad) and I’m really struggling with it.     One of the things that I’ve noticed the most throughout this period of illness is how much of a toll it’s taken on my confidence. Frankly, it’s been obliterated. Anyone who knows me will say I’m a very confident person, so for it to take a knock says A LOT. Lately, I’ve found myself asking ‘am I capable of doing this?’ ‘what if I can’t do it?’ ‘what if I don’t do well?’… View Post

‘Learn to Rest, Not to Quit’

Hello, you!   I am absolutely living by this marvellous Banksy quote at the minute – ‘If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit’. It’s almost a month on from my surgery (you can read about it here) and as the pain is VERY gradually getting better, the exhaustion from everything that has happened is really starting to set in. Every Sunday I say to myself ‘I’m going to go into labs tomorrow’ and every Monday morning I’m unable to get out of bed, due to a combination of pain, painkillers and lack of sleep. It’s been very frustrating because I hate not being able to do anything and I’m going a bit stir crazy. Yesterday I said my famous sentence, that I was planning on going into uni on Monday, and my lovely boyfriend said ‘try not to get your hopes up because you always get disappointed’ – he said this in a kind way, don’t worry, not a ‘lol good luck with that one, love’ way! It really resonated with me because I need to let my body rest, just because I don’t go into university at the minute, doesn’t mean I’m quitting and giving up,… View Post